So in this video I'm going to welcome back Curran for the last time and this section and we're going
gonna go problem solving shall we can we do that.
Yeah.
So what I'm going to use and when to use the general Egan problem solving stroke skilled help her framework.
Very very simple process.
And this is you what you're going to see is just a conversation.
All right.
I can assure you this isn't like a rigid process we're not taking notes or anything like this.
What I've found over the years is that sometimes the greatest impacts can be made when we're just having
conversations with people.
Hence a reason this is what I want to demonstrate and show you that change is in Mr. Cole was not magical
was.
Amazing techniques get done there's no magic getting done behind the scenes that you're unaware of.
I'm not a magician I'm not a I'm not a guru or a Zulu or anything like this.
And this is just conversational change work.
That's all we're seeing here.
All I'm doing is just conversing with current and helping her to look at her life her situation circumstances
issues problems her goals dreams ambitions whatever.
From a different perspective.
All right.
That's because people are naturally self-governing and well solve their own issues right with our input
or advice or guidance Believe it or not.
All right it's just about supporting them and helping them to get there.
No.
You might be thinking to yourself and but isn't all this staged.
Of course it's not staged.
Why.
Because I don't know anyone in the world who is completely problem free I am most certainly not problem
free.
Right.
I've got loads of them.
I've got loads of issues.
Karen.
Yeah.
I can vote for current.
She's got loads of issues all of the time also.
All right.
So I'm using this opportunity just to help Karen to address one of them.
And I'm going to use this generally good framework.
All right.
These kind of three different stages which would demonstrate another last video.
So first things first.
All right.
I'm just wondering if we can define an actual specific real problem that you have in your life.
Let's just let's just talk about it and see where it goes.
Okay.
A little bit in line with some of the things I've shared already.
I find that
I find that I'm often under pressure to get my work done in time.
You're under pressure.
Yeah.
And I feel stressed because I leave things to last minute important things to last minute.
Okay cool.
So if we're just to analyze and really unpack this this is problem wonder what the problem actually
is is the problem the time pressure or is it the feeling
and the problem is the time pressure.
How do how do you know that you have time pressure though
because I feel stressed more and more often working towards a deadline
deadline.
And so there is a time pressure in terms of a deadline that I'm trying to meet.
Is this like a deadline you've put in yourself or a deadline that someone else has put on you and a
deadline that someone else has put on me.
Okay cool.
So this.
So this this task is deadline.
Is this something you perceive as being really important or really urgent for you personally for you
personally.
Me personally really important or just really urgent and really urgent.
This is really urgent.
Yeah so it's urgent because someone else has a level of expectation off you and they've perhaps given
you a time frame to operate with.
Yeah.
Okay cool.
So see what we've done here first and foremost we've integrated an Eisenhower matrix and we've established
that and current is issue or problem is in response to our time frame that has been placed upon you
by someone else.
Yes.
So this is you work in to someone else's agenda first and foremost right.
Okay cool.
So am I.
Could you just give me a bit more more context just just tell me about this.
Tell me about this problem how it is for you.
Yeah I would it would it expresses itself in your life.
So our our our priorities are things that are important to me and leave and leave some some things that
are not so important until last minute or they're not there urgent but they're not important.
And so I'll I'll end up leaving some urgent tasks to last minute with not enough time to get them done.
And of course there's then a deadline to meet and I don't have very much time to to get them all done.
I feel stressed and under pressure.
And then sometimes that means that other things can sort of go out the window like a dinner or or allowance
or.
Or are you taking your turn to go and do the grocery shopping.
Yeah exactly.
Or something like that.
It's like because I've got such a little time I'm like fully tunnel visioned on the stuff that now needs
to be done because I've not I'm not started this urgent things early enough.
Interesting.
So I'm just wondering first and foremost who's whose problem is this.
It's my problem.
Who who owns the problem
does this problem have an owner yet are still waiting for someone else to want it
it was a tricky question wasn't it.
I've only really just identified that it is a problem.
So I haven't actually owned it yet in terms of looking for results.
This is very very relevant.
Yes it's very relevant to where you are.
Interesting.
Okay so this.
So this problem that you sometimes you put things off kick things off.
I do put things out here.
You put things off such as because I gives an example such as
doing some some of the.
So such as
doing some research or doing some of the tasks of my To Do List which are I'm not passionate about them
but they just need done.
They're just practice mostly just practical every day to do things like practical stuff practical stuff
to do has to get done.
And if you don't do it then it's not going to get done.
Which is going to come at the cost to someone else or something else.
And it's my responsibility and it's your responsibility.
So it's your responsibility.
So on a scale of 1 to 10 1 being completely irresponsible and 10 being fully responsible how much responsibility
have you taken for an
probably about
they probably get 7 7.
Yeah.
What would happen if you were to the first seven was to change to a 10 they would take full responsibility
for it.
What what would then change.
My drive towards just getting these things done would change and when would you be inclined to get these
things done immediately.
As soon as I know I have to do them or as soon as I physically have a space to do them.
Interesting okay.
No I'm just wondering that right.
Because we've obviously had a few conversations up until now so I understand that.
No problem ever Stanzel in isolation generally.
Problems are habitual until we've outgrown or overcome or defeated an enemy in life.
Well we struggle to move beyond it.
It's kind of like end of level devils and end stage bodies and things like that.
So I'm just wondering if you putting things off is in any way connected to you holding back remember
what we talked about earlier on in the course you holding back.
Yes I'm wondering I'm wondering what the connection is.
I'm just got a hunch there's a connection and that this may actually be the greater issue.
So this is us.
We've define the problem.
Now we're analyzing it by the way
okay.
So
I'll not I'll not do things immediately or I'll put them off
sometimes through fear of wanting to keep other people happy or I guess at times apathy yes apathy interest
and so if we can even just link this in with our other decision making framework that we look to in
order.
Golf Course and efficiency.
Yeah right.
Sometimes we'll see yes doing things or we'll do things that might serve other people but it won't serve
us or that might help other people but it's actually going to really cost us something.
Yeah and return and that's not just about that's not just about being selfless it's sometimes kind of
quite unwise isn't it.
It is.
Yeah it sometimes comes at a huge cost comes a huge cost cause I guess that you know I could give you
10 things right now that are important to do the only done and you could put all ten ten things off
but that doesn't make them go away.
No.
And then there's only going to be more things to do tomorrow.
So you kind of delaying the inevitable.
Yes I think that it would appear that delaying the inevitable.
Okay.
And this is this is interesting so I'm wondering what are those that Putin stuff off is actually costing
you.
Because you know how this sometimes things will do or not do that wouldn't serve us and wouldn't serve
other people.
You know this like win win scenario was win win win things we can do so things that will that will build
into our lives perhaps perhaps Abbott Hey habits or attitudes or things like that serve us serve other
people then sometimes will have habits in our life that actually don't serve us and don't serve other
people either actually just costs everyone.
So what is how does putting things off actually company come into the equation here.
How does putting things off actually help anyone
but like for example I might sometimes put something off and because of a boundary like it's important
for us to have time and
but within reason you know within a balance like and perhaps that's even a justification actually.
Because because when I do put off then it comes at a cost to me stressed.
At some of the other things that are important to me when there's other important urgent stuff has come
up and needs to be done goes out the window.
I'm just wondering.
Notice maybe another another perspective we can look at here.
What happens then on this time off.
We then have no obviously we're talking as a husband and wife.
All right.
To give you a real life example.
So what happens then in this time off.
So we've got time off.
All right time off.
Not doing stuff not doing art and stuff or important stuff.
Yeah nice that's what we're not doing we're not doing anything urgent or that important.
So we're not doing anything progressive.
No.
All right.
So what happens then in that time if we have a conversation and then it comes to light that you haven't
taken responsibility for completing a really important task you said you take responsibility for what
then does the damage.
What does that come with that damages the trust between us.
Or potentially other people as well.
Interesting.
And if the trust is damaged what is that.
What is the damage.
How does that work itself.
The trust is damaged then our connection.
It can come across our own connection.
Interesting isn't it.
So we're just looking at the cost here.
We're looking at how how the Hobbit is the hub of Putin stuff off he's actually bringing the problem
into existence.
Now I can only just go off my own governmental experience here.
I never have that stress.
I never have this problem.
Why.
Because the approach I take to life is I'll generally address issues as they arise.
So a problem if a problem arises right.
No hope.
I'll deal with it right.
No I won't put off until tomorrow what I can do today.
This is a more of a more of a standard I guess both into my life yeah.
So I just didn't just on just based on the.
I just wonder what your what your problem would look like if you were to really raise your standards
in this area if you're to really raise your standards what new standard could you build into your life
that perhaps aren't currently operating.
Oh yeah.
If I were to raise the standard this is now in line with some of the things we've spoken about already
like having
a good morning routine where I've actually established what is urgent and important every day.
The stuff that I'm putting off needs to come into that it's often because I don't have a very good system
in place of prioritizing that Kenny gets left as one big task and then all of a sudden all they've done
in one day.
That's not.
And then you end up with stress because stress equals time plus limited space.
You've really over time and you've got so much to do and not very much headspace to be able to prioritize
what you have what you need to do because everything is urgent and everything is important.
Yeah.
Oh and one day all in one day.
My goodness.
All right.
Has has operating like this has been like this ever not been a problem for you.
Well I can't really remember not being a problem says it has always been a problem possibly been a bit
of a how about a habit of a lifetime and old habits die hard don't they.
All right cool.
So let us just look no see if we can identify some possible solutions that are going to enable you to
start breaking this habit today because it doesn't seem like the habit serving you and it doesn't seem
like it's seven me your husband or anyone else for that matter.
And just thinking about what you discussed in the last session.
The last conversation that we had what if the ideas you said one of the goals that you have is to be
an available mom.
Yes.
So I guess it might be useful to look for actual tangible pragmatic practical solutions they can build
into your life today not tomorrow.
Today I'm going to enable you to start getting more time and space in your life because I'm guessing
if you don't do this right now I eat today not tomorrow then you're not going to be come available mom
that you want to be for your children.
No no I'm just wondering Miss wondering and in truth how you
or your whole habits you have built into your life that kind of make you more like your mom than what
you even care to imagine.
Or admit
what where you both similar
well.
She's a busy woman a busy one here where
she kind of gets tunnel vision things sometimes where some like in the diary that it's in the diary
and there's no flexibility there.
You know and
ad in the same way that makes you so sure that she'll be busy at times which means there's not space
for a connection in her life like sometimes with me or other people or because she's preplanned everything.
There's not much space I could go you saw her kind of rigidity and inflexibility and kind of managing
her time leaves no space for last minute for last minute connection Hey let's meet for a coffee let's
go for a chat let's go know.
Let's chew the fat.
So I think OK I'll take it that something you would like more of yeah.
Is this something you would like more of.
No.
So in terms of managing your life and your time in this way is this how you operate
so in a way yes.
So I'll be
through through my own lack of discipline and doing things straightaway or having a structure in order
to have I how I do things.
That means that often I don't.
I don't also have space for connection.
Oh so perhaps then what I see is I was looking against what the problem might actually be here.
Where perhaps your mom has too much structure.
You maybe have too little structure
Yeah that's true.
Oh there we go.
All right and so no we've possibly just had this conversation prompts new star and to identify a solution.
All right Miss wonderin what's have having Havana am having the right amount of structure in your life
stroke timekeeping might look like what like a good healthy right.
Not too rigid not too loose.
What might that look like if you were to operate from from this place in terms of managing your to do
list and your tasks.
The urgent stuff the important stuff each day.
Yeah I kind of know in my gut like that part part of that is is me taking ownership for making my decisions
everyday about what's important for me was urgent.
Which we've already touched upon.
And then
sorry what was the question again.
So we're talking about what the sweet spot is going to look like in between somewhere in between being
too rigid and being too loose.
Yeah.
And also making peace with with just getting a few important things done everyday and then ending that
you know there doesn't need I don't need to do everything in one day but as long as you're doing a few
things and making progress you're also making progress.
Yeah but I'm guessing you can't before you can afford just to be keeping on putting stuff off putting
stuff off because tomorrow there's always gonna be more things.
Yeah keep on comin.
Because it's his life.
Yeah.
I miss wonderin how you stay in like this would impact the relationship the Guinta your children in
a year from now if you don't change this today.
It could be really detrimental really detrimental to what your actual goal is.
Yeah.
All right.
So we know what your goal is.
Your goal is to be available for children.
We've talked about that in the last session.
This session here we're looking at problems though and the problem seems to be your time management
strategy is my time right.
Yeah.
All right.
We understand that your mom is very very rigid in terms of her time management and it would therefore
then it would make practical sense to me why it is that you operate at the opposite end of the spectrum.
Yeah you're right.
I don't want to be like that so I see you don't want to be like the opposite direction.
So you've got in the opposite direction but perhaps too far in the opposite direction.
They don't actually have any structure so you don't have any structure in yourself.
Okay so having not have any structure for yourself.
How was this.
Who's winning.
Who's winning here.
No no one's actually winning.
No.
So this is a loser.
This is lose lose.
Yeah.
Sometimes an it feels like I'm letting other people win because my goal is to connect with them or to
keep them happy.
Okay.
But it's actually just a feeling which is about me right okay.
So it's a short term win for me but it's not a win for me in the long run.
Good luck.
So in terms of choosing a solution right now.
Right.
You're gonna go to implement right away right away because you come up with this one off you go to implement
it right away and start building it habitually into your life every single day.
What's a win win scenario was a win win.
Okay I'm going to look like an so you went on to other people one as well.
So.
So this has been helpful.
I need more structure across the board for myself and how our management team.
And we'd already spoken previously about me.
And kind of working on my my list of things that need done and and having our time every morning where
I prioritize the most important things.
And I've started that but it's still a bit messy.
So I've got work to do there.
There was seemed to me that if you just prioritize doing these doing important things every single day
then the chance and the likelihood of origin things arise in which kind of brings about the stress because
urgency and time running out tend to what kind of hand do the urgency in time right.
Yes.
So urgency and time running out equal stress.
Something like that for looking a little equation here.
So if you're focused on doing and prioritizing important things everyday perhaps doing the things that
you least want to do first then that leaves you the rest of your day for doing things that you enjoy
more yes there's an idea of shared a few videos back.
Give a reference to that Brian Tracy but then to eat that frog remember that principle of tackling and
getting the things that we really don't want to do.
Either way first and foremost yes.
First thing in the day.
Get it done.
It's kind of link.
I think I've got all these different types of vitamin and stuff like that and you know what I hate take
him vitamins.
I really do archly general do hate taking vitamins.
I have one of these I like as a fish oil or things and I drink a bottle of water with my vitamins and
you know can can kind of taste it for about an hour that follows but I know that is good for me.
No that is good especially low then fast approaching for a so get them first thing in the day.
Then I have my breakfast as soon as as soon as I can afterwards then that's it over and done with.
Sometimes doing the things that we least want to do first thing in the day gives us the rest of the
day to be able to focus our energy on doing things that we are actually more passionate about Yemen
so that it fits.
And just another thing came to mind there as you're speaking that actually just starting my day earlier
and getting up earlier it's going to be important starting a day which is more of a discipline for you.
Yeah yeah.
Starting an hour earlier and then going to bed and I would earlier and that time.
It's a really bad habit I.
I need to change that because there's so much more I could do in the hour first thing in the morning
which is gonna set me up in the right place for the rest of the day.
What sounds a little warning bells in my head as you know work until 11 o'clock at night.
Why would you work to 11:00 at night and then wake up tired in the morning and then start work a little
bit later then you work a bit later then you start work later and then you work your way through the
night time why not flip this on its head start earlier in the morning so all the stuff you don't want
to get done gets you best guess the best you focus and your time together nail through your fresh Edit
Yeah and then you can have your evenings and time later in the day for do those things that you claim
to want to do more of you Yeah that's exactly it.
Sometimes some really practical commonsense solutions to the problems that we have it's not like we
were trapped in the problems assist we choose not to change sometimes we choose not to build new disciplines
into our lifestyle.
Yeah yeah I think it's just logically thinking through they like what is the problem and then what much
they can do to resolve this.
Like so simple but can you see how these frameworks that have shared just throughout the section that
Eisenhower matrix your origin important win win lose lose win lose lose win how this.
We can use these two models just to make wise decisions about what we invest our time into right away.
Yeah yeah.
When I stopped to actually analyze what I've got to do and I can I can see what's urgent and important
when I'm running around like a headless chicken.
I don't I don't make wise decisions about these things you know because it's all just caught up in busyness
and you just gotta get it done just get it done.
Yeah which is kind of like unavailability isn't it.
Oh yeah yeah.
So you kind of being the kind of person you do want to be.
Yeah.
Interesting.
Okay.
No.
So we have looked at some solutions and come choose a solution here.
What's the actual solution then.
What's the what is the actual solution for this problem.
So the solution is definitely to do with my morning I started early only to start to air their morning
routine yet and
use that time to make wise decisions about what's urgent and important and also at the same time having
a very good system in place where I can just see like exactly what I've got to do everything in one
place if you like.
Did we not talk about something like this in an earlier session.
Yes we did.
Yeah.
It hasn't been implemented yet.
I'm still like because it's in such a mess.
Has I've taken steps towards cleaning up like a little little bit of accountability here by the way.
Yeah.
I'm still I'm still clearing up some of the mess that I made of letting things get so out of control.
So we're talking about building a system in place is going to enable you to effectively manage your
life your time decisions that you make.
What are the three bases.
Yeah if you get the system in place then you're not going to get caught out.
And there shouldn't be any reason why you're working until 11 o'clock at night.
No because that doesn't seem to be even remotely commonsensical.
No it's not.
It's not it's not common sense of course not practical.
And what's that costing you by the way.
Work until 11:00 at night.
It cost me time for connection over connection.
And you're you're losing this time for connection.
Why.
Because I haven't prioritized these urgent things earlier about picking on you put things off.
Yeah.
Okay.
Interesting.
So in terms of Plan of Action.
All right what action steps are you gonna take today and tomorrow or for the rest of this week to get
this in place.
So.
Or I Or would this be something you'd also feel okay with just put it off.
No.
I'm kind of it up to here with us.
That needs to change.
So this is no origin.
Unimportant yet we can see what this habit is costing you we can see what is potentially and a cost
other people moving forward.
We know it's a major source of stress in your life but you're the one who's responsible for the stress.
Even existence through your own ineffective effective time management strategy.
So it seems to me that the plan of action must be to build a team management system into your life.
It seems that this is the only possible solution.
Yes that is.
As this is the only solution.
This is the wisest investment of your time and energy and effort.
You can make other stage of your life.
Okay so if we're agreed on this what is your next step.
What is your actual next step.
So
as I've started clearing some of the mess I've made in terms of e-mails being out of control and being
a bit overwhelmed with everything that needs done and not having us not having a structure.
So I started working through that and putting things into a management system.
So really it's completing and completing that it's gonna be another couple of hours work and when we
have that completed by when we have implemented this system I can hardly.
Yeah I can have it in place by the end of this week the end of this week.
So that gives you a three and a half days.
Yeah two to laugh these days it's only Wednesday two and a half days to get the system implemented in
your life.
Yeah.
So if we have a conversation this time next week you be able to talk me through your system.
Yeah and show me how is working and then we can talk about how this is changing your stress levels.
Urgency panic working late at night or that kind of thing.
Yeah and this is gonna.
If we have this in place this is gonna practically bring a solution to this to this problem isn't it
is pretty much going to end this and also help me be far more effective with your time with it and the
process.
Yeah.
Okay so who is this responsible for doing this by the way.
Me I'm responsible for doing this.
Is there anyone else that might take responsibility for less.
No one else.
No one else is just you for steppers.
First step is
and continue to deal with some of the mess that I've made.
Continue to deal with the mess you've made as a top priority or is another priority.
So then there should be more important than not cleaning up the mess or should it be solved in clean
before that would you say.
I should probably the system that I have got in place for managing tasks and to dos and it's cleared
out stripped out and re redone.
If you like and that's more important cause that's gonna show me start from scratch.
It doesn't seem like it would be like the best use your time is just gonna be tackling the mess.
And for me it would seem the ordering structure wants to be the 1 priority then.
Then you start moving your mess into order and structure.
Yeah that's better.
It's actually much better and much better approach does does not abide by that noise is going to be
what makes best sense to you.
No I even just thinking about it like that gives me more peace.
So starting something new and which I get to choose what goes into that other than you get to choose
plan and fix the mess and the mess.
There may be a lot of stuff in there that's not urgent and also not important and there be no point
in tackling any of that stuff.
Always be a waste of your time.
So I guess if you've got a new structure then you're going to be able to decide what's Arjun what's
important.
What comes first what comes second what's Qualcomm's thought and what just gets scrapped off your list
and ignored completely.
And in fact now that I know that you mentioned that I'm actually going to use those headings you know
urgent important that I don't do that so fantastic can't help you find that conversation.
I find it really helpful.
I know it is so very practical but like this is actually really helpful.
Granted it is very very practical.
Granted as life coaches we can go no delve into the depths of limiting beliefs someone can look into
unhelpful thought patterns and we can look into relationship but within processes and communication
skills or we can keep things very very pragmatic very very practical and look to help our clients build
practical systems and processes into their life to help them best manage their time and as they do this
it helps them to eradicate and remove the stress and the pressure from their lives.
So what I've done here I've just literally gone through a three stage process in one conversation.
All right.
I started I am just looking to explore the problem analyze to figure out where it's actually coming
from who's responsible for it.
Then we start to look and identify solutions.
Once we do looked at a few options we then we need to make a decision on what the starting point is
going to be for the best solution is which we agreed was going to be system management.
It's a management system.
And from this time management system then because you know what your messes.
You know what system you don't have in place.
You were then practically able to see the first three steps that you can start taking and implementing
today.
There's going to bring peace into your life peace which is instantly the opposite of stress.
Yes.
So we start the conversation with stress.
We ended it with peace.
All right.
Will Karen come back in a week from now for another session full of peace.
Well we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
If not we will surely explore why not.
So we understand Karen's part of a lifetime is putting stuff off and to be honest with you most people
actually have the same issue.
Some people refer to this as procrastination.
Some people think procrastination is an illness or a condition or anything like this but it's in fact
not.
It's just a two or a poor time management strategy.
There is no cure for
procrastination is literally just systems that we built into our lives.
So this is a conversation demonstration is how we do it.
All right I'm gonna Arduino to visit the additional material section download the problem solving workbook
if you haven't already done so and start working through this with other people like friends family
members loved ones whatever.
My children enablers colleagues bosses managers whatever.
I guarantee you and everyone has a stress or a problem in their life.
All right.
The more you practice this the more naturally is going to flow for you conversationally.
All right if you're a member of ecology and go and jump and find someone to practice on right away.
All right.
Seriously.
Practice practice practice.
So that's it Sam.
Hope you found this demonstration conversation insightful useful on one level from the coach's perspective.
But there's probably a few principles you picked up as Karen shared openly and honestly as well.
So you found this conversation demonstration useful and we'll see you again in the next clip.